It happened quickly. As the van went around the bend, I hardly had time to warn my husband to hold on. The van spun out of control and rolled upside down in the ditch. Incredibly, we were unhurt.
Jumbled in the wreckage lay the musical gear I was taking on tour. That night, in that cold, dark ditch, I realized God was giving me a second chance at life.
Up to this point, my life had been a mess. Born and raised in the foothills of the Canadian Rockies, I am the second youngest in a family of five. Deception became the norm for me early in life. Before I had even started school, my oldest brother was sexually abusing me. Compounded with a mentally unstable and alcoholic father, I discovered how to hide shame and guilt at a tender age.
The first of many tragedies struck my family when I was only 11. My father was distraught after my mother suddenly walked out on him, taking the children with her. Six months later, he took his own life. Within months of my father's untimely passing, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer.
During this time, my mother, sister and I started attending a church. One night after a youth rally, I stood by my mother's bedside and told her the incredible thing that had happened to me-I had asked Jesus into my heart.
The following summer, my mother passed away. I was 15. My younger sister and I were left with the 'wicked' stepfather. I had to grow up fast. Life was sad, but I leaned hard on my faith and the gifts God has blessed me with. Tragedy struck again later when my oldest brother died of an accidental heroin overdose.
At this point I was beginning to feel numb, ready for anything to happen. In my later teens, I moved away from home and no longer thought about God. I started to live a wild life, losing myself in parties, booze and drugs.
At 18, I was accepted into one of the top theatre programs at a Toronto university. I married at 21 after my two-year stint in professional theatre. We set out to follow our dream of fame and fortune in the music world. We soon took the Canadian country music scene by storm, gathering numerous awards and nominations.
Amongst the success and struggle, not a glimpse of my former spiritual life could be found. I quietly swept my faith in God under the carpet. I didn't think I needed Him any longer. Feeling stunted, trapped and unloved in the marriage, I began seeking fulfillment outside of it. Drugs, booze and sex played a big part in numbing the insanity of leading a desperately unhappy double life. However, this new lifestyle went against the values I once held dear, and I started to hate myself. I felt lost, empty and unloved. I pleaded with God to show me a way out of this horrid mess.
That's when the accident happened. It was a big turnaround for me. I said, 'Okay, God, I can't live like this anymore. I'm giving myself to you once again.' This started my healing journey.
With God's help, I've been able to deal with the pain in my life. His healing hand came into my heart and touched me. It is miraculous what the Lord can do in a life when the reins are handed over to Him. God is so alive and real. With Him in control, I have a peace that lives and breathes in me, no matter what obstacles I face in my life.
Copyright 2001 Power to Change. Used with permission.
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