It was a dark and cold November afternoon in1994. I was sitting around with some friends drawing on a computer. My friend had the controller and drew something on the screen that I would never forget.
His message was short: "Die." I have no idea why he wrote it, but I was so filled with fear that I quickly left the house. All of a sudden I had an awful sense that God really existed. What's more, I knew he was not happy with me. I thought my end was coming.
About a year earlier I had made a conscious decision to reject the Christian faith by which my parents had raised me. I had no interest in God.
The only thing religion was doing for me was stifling my pursuit of pleasure. I could not live the way I wanted to without constantly feeling like I was doing something wrong. To me God was nothing but a cosmic killjoy.
When I decided I would no longer try to live up to Christian standards but would make my own choices about right and wrong, I experienced a freedom I never knew existed.
I liked to party and hang out with whatever crowd was doing the same. I got tired of school and saw no need for it, so I dropped out in grade 12. As I had rejected the authority of God, I also rejected the authority of my parents and did not care at all for their will.
I had become a totally free individual.
Or so I thought. This newly found freedom lasted for some time, but it began to lose its appeal.
I had alienated myself from my family, my school, and many of my friends. I slowly became disillusioned; I had rejected what I had been taught most of my life for a new way of living which was failing to satisfy me as I had originally hoped.
I started to become scared that there was nothing left for me.
I can remember lying in bed at night filled with sorrow that I was so distant from own family even though we lived under the same roof.I was a high school drop-out and my future looked bleak.
I knew everything needed to change but I had no idea how that was going to happen.
And then came that dreaded November day. Though I did not realize it at the time, that moment was the beginning of a whole new life for me. The terror I felt that day continued for about a week.
At the end of that time I was so tired of being afraid that I fell on my knees and cried out to God "Oh God, please help me. I need your help. I've screwed everything up. I'm so sorry!"
This was the first time in my life that I actually felt remorse for the way I had lived. Two weeks before I would have never pictured myself being humble to the point of bowing down to God, but here I found myself on my knees crying out to God for mercy. And he answered my prayer for help.
In the coming days I read a small booklet that explained what Jesus Christ came to accomplish on earth. He came and lived a perfect life and then offered himself as a sacrifice for those who live imperfect lives. Only by putting my faith in what Christ had done on the cross could I be forgiven of the sin that separated me from God.
From that point on, my life became a growing appreciation of what Jesus did for me. Even though I had been taught about Jesus from childhood, it was only at the age of seventeen that it finally made sense to me. This message of Jesus Christ is the greatest news in the world.
After this, my life changed. I was filled with excitement that I had finally found a reason for living. And I actually felt free. It is a paradox that by becoming a follower of Christ we can become free. The truth is, the freedom Christ offers is different than what humans generally prize as freedom. I used to want to be independent, making my own judgments and being my own authority. But God never intended us to operate like that. He created us to be dependant on him. When we depend on him, we experience true, lasting freedom and happiness.
If you are comfortable with the way your life is going, if you are able to provide yourself with true happiness, and if you feel no shame for being your own god, then you will not see any need for Jesus Christ.
If, however, you are hurting, if you have looked for peace and happiness and have not found it, and if you realize that your sin offends God and keeps you from knowing him, then turn to Christ because he is calling you to lay your burden down and trust in him.
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