The Advantage of Waiting for Marriage
Shannon:
A marriage relationship is meant to be the most safe and secure environment for vulnerability. Sex has been designed to be the best experienced in this environment. Our bodies are built to be enjoyed by each other, men and women, one partner for life. In this atmosphere a passionate and intimate relationship can ensue beautifully. But, previous sexual experience can hinder the perfection of that marriage union because it's tempting to compare your spouse and to your previous partners. This leads to significant wounds, walls of distrust, and decreased intimacy and vulnerability. It seems clear to me that waiting is the best route to prevent emotional scarring and promote passionate intimacy. This kind of love fosters a lifetime of true intimacy rather than a moment of false intimacy.
Jason:
Another reason a man should wait and save sex for one person is because not doing that can make it difficult for him to remain faithful to one person when he does marry. If a man has sex with many different women, there's a great temptation to compare his wife with to others he has been with or think about sex with other women he may meet while he is married. A good indication of the harmful effects premarital sex has on a marriage is the high rate of adultery today. In effect, making comparisons to past partners will prevent you from being fully satisfied by your spouse and could lead you to seek out sexual fulfillment outside of your marriage. This makes it very difficult to stay faithful to just one woman for the rest of your life, while simultaneously robbing you of the best sexual experience (developing deeper and deeper intimacy with your wife).
Intimacy: It's Not Just About Sex
Jason:
Two words that define intimate are "innermost" and "private." When people think of intimacy in a relationship, they usually think of physical intimacy as the main way a couple develops a deep connection. However, there are other kinds of intimacy. Another kind of intimacy, one that is longer lasting, is the sharing of innermost thoughts and feelings - the ones people usually keep only to themselves. Communication establishes a kind of emotional intimacy, which is essential to building a healthy physical intimacy.
Shannon:
This kind of intimacy developed in a relationship, I believe, is the most satisfying form of intimacy. By focusing on discovering the 'innermost' parts of your partner's heart, thoughts, and feelings, you savor all the intimate milestones that most couples rush through.
Do I feel intimate with Jason even though we abstain from a certain level of physical contact? Yes. Does that mean we do not touch at all? No. You see, when we do touch, it adds to the intimacy that we already have and is made within the limits of our pre-discussed boundaries.
Although at times maintaining physical boundaries is certainly a challenge, they are possible to maintain due to our hopeful expectation of new intimate experiences to be discovered in the future.
Think of it this way, you wait all year to open up your Christmas presents. As you eagerly anticipate the day you can open your presents, your excitement accumulates and grows the closer you get to Christmas. Is it less exciting to wait until Christmas day to open your presents? No - it's actually more exciting. Why is that? Because the more you wait, the more exciting it is.
Intimacy is increased when sexual fulfillment is anticipated because there is more to look forward to than what you are currently experiencing. If you are physically intimate right away in a relationship, what is there to look forward to?
I believe it takes more work and time to experience intimacy by knowing the person deeply and personally, before physically. It may even be very difficult to wait perhaps, but the reward is much, much greater and more thrilling than imaginable.
Physical intimacy is deepest when it is an outward expression of the love and intimacy already experienced in other areas of the relationship.
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Why Shannon and Jason are abstain from pre-marital sex 1 2 3
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