How typical does this sound? Two strangers meet. They may not even know each other's name, but after some witty sexual banter and the sizzle of chemistry, the two strangers find themselves in bed together.
Sound like a Hollywood film? How about...reality? It's normal right? Is this how it was meant to be?
Shannon:
Growing up, I noticed a trend in the movies I watched, the songs I heard, the way women's fashion was becoming more revealing, and the increase in pornographic material for men. I see this trend showing how popular and acceptable being promiscuous has become. Promiscuity is such a part of our culture that now being open about our sexuality seems viewed more as a virtue than an offence, as it once was viewed 50 years ago.
Understanding this trend, I grew up being repulsed by sex and scared of men. Sex is now rarely portrayed as something that is mysterious, beautiful, or even appealing. I even began to perceive it as being something almost vulgar or something to be feared.
I was also confused because everywhere I went the message seemed to be that if you weren't having sex, you were somehow incomplete. I was even more confused in the midst of my teen years when friends began telling stories of heart-break and pain due to experimenting sexually and getting hurt in the process.
Something is not right with this picture.
To me, it appears that more problems result when we give in to the pressure to be sexually explicit over waiting to experience sex. Deep in my heart, I wanted to view sex as something sacred: something I would not give to just anyone. So I decided at a young age to wait to have sex until marriage. As some make a conscious decision not to take drugs, I consciously decided not to give my body to many men, but only to the man I marry.
Jason:
For a man, sex is often portrayed as a way to prove yourself, to show your manhood. I think of James Bond, who always gets the girl. It's like a goal - you "score" and then move on. But is that all sex is? Thinking of sex in this way makes it cheap and shallow. It doesn't take into account the other aspects of a relationship that can be so rewarding. What about love? Surely a relationship between a man and a woman encompasses more than just sex, but if so, how does sex fit into it?
These are some of the questions I've thought about, especially as I grew to know Shannon. We started dating almost a year ago, and from the start I knew I cared about her a lot. Some people might say that if you love each other, sex is the best way to show it, but it's actually because of love and our desire to experience greater intimacy that we have both chosen to wait to have sex until we're married. Hopefully our discussion of the topics that follow will help you understand our decision, and give you some insight into the struggles we have dealt with.
Why Save Sex? For the Peak Experience
Shannon:
When I tell people my choice to keep sex for marriage, they usually respond with a confused question, "why?" But, I understand their bewilderment because I’ve had to ask myself this. I am romantic at heart and I have watched countless romance movies. In almost all of these movies couples end up having sex. In the movies, sex appears ideal: it happens in an ideal, romantic setting and between an attractive couple. But, there is no depth to this lustful view of sex. Movies rarely display the complications that arise from such sexual encounters.
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Shannon and Jason discuss the differences between men and women 1 2 3
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