Like for many others, my college years were a time of self-discovery, independence, and fun. I trusted in myself believing that my efforts alone would make me successful in this world.
I was the model student: I obtained good grades and received accolades from professors. After school, I worked part-time as a customer service representative. Socially, I had a great group of friends that I really enjoyed. Fridays and Saturdays saw me dancing and drinking the night away. On Sundays, I attended church due to family expectations.
As a senior in high school, I fell in love with sports but was reluctant to enter this arena because men dominated it. One day while sitting in a freshman college class, I realized that I could make my dream into a reality by becoming a sports broadcaster. I was confident of my future successes because I possessed all the right traits: young, charismatic, attractive, and petite. Immediately, I switched majors and began developing my "on-air" style. I was on my way until…
My own efforts no longer produced desired results. Because of this, I became angry with God. I blamed him for the things going awry in my life. My heart became so hard that I denied God's existence. I felt that because I could not see God, why believe in him? I could not justify to myself why I sat in church on Sunday mornings and listed to stories about a man named Jesus who lived long ago. I could not understand why God wanted things his way and not my way. Alas, I turned to New Age beliefs and practices including horoscopes and crystals.
Also during this time, I began dating a guy I'll call Tom. I was crazy about Tom. However, Tom was crazy about his former girlfriend who had dumped him. Tom began using me as a means to get her back. Yet I still I wanted Tom to love me. And, I tried to make him love me by having sex with him. It didn't work; actually nothing worked. As a result, I became despondent and considered suicide to heal my broken heart.
However, my grandmother had been praying for me. My grandmother was a Christian. One day while visiting her she said, "You can always talk to God even if you can't talk to anyone else, remember that." That day, I left my grandmother's house and headed to school. While I contemplated various ways to get Tom to love me, my grandmother's words lingered in the back of my mind.
Over time, my appearance and demeanor changed. I had gained a great deal of weight. I was no longer the happy, fun person that I had once been. Secretly, I was worried because my period was late; I was scared. I knew that a missed period indicated one thing: pregnancy! I knew that my life was out of control. I just didn't know how to put it back together. As I pondered my situation, I began to cry.
My grandmother's words of "pray to God" came back to me. I figured that I'd try talking to God because I had no other god to assist me. So, that night, I prayed to God and confessed to him my faults. I also told him that I did not really know him personally and asked him to open my heart to receive him into my life. I prayed honestly and sincerely. I begged God to not let me be pregnant. I started reading my bible and attending church again. This time, I listened. God's Holy Spirit began teaching me God's way for my life. One evening, I prayed, "Lord, I will do Your will and live out your plan for my life even if it includes motherhood." "For I now understand that You are Supreme and Holy and that your ways are righteous and you know best for me." I believed in the words that I prayed. In essence, I surrendered my life to God. Miraculously two days later, my period began.
This experience changed me into a Christian, someone who has a personal relationship with God. Through it, I discovered that God indeed does exist and that He's in control of my life, not me. My own efforts could not have produced the joys that Jesus has given to me. Since I began following Christ, He has blessed me with many successes. They include: a career that I love, a blessed marriage, a beautiful home, and a sound mind. Now I understand that Jesus has always wanted the "best" for me, which is why he wanted to guide me.
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