Through a service project to Honduras with their high school, Dave and Andrea first started to get to know each other.
For Andrea, who had just broken up with her first boyfriend, romance was not on her mind. However, Dave, who was in grade 12, was definitely interested in this tall attractive girl from his trip.
A month after the trip, they started going out. It lasted three weeks. Andrea just didn't feel ready for the pressures of a relationship. But Dave didn't give up. As they shared the same group of friends, they continued to see each other.
Then Dave dropped a bombshell -- he quit calling and started seeing another girl. The ploy worked. Andrea realized how much she missed and cared for Dave. They decided to start going out again.
Shortly after, when Andrea was 17 years old, Dave proposed. Less than a year later, when Dave was 19 and Andrea 18, they were married.
Why marriage so young?
What made them decide to get married so young? "Once you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible," says Andrea.
Yet numerous questions pop up. What about their college educations? How does marriage change their relationship with friends? What about finances? Responsibility? Freedom? Why not just live together?
Here are some things that we can learn from Dave and Andrea.
Friendships
Marriage has brought many changes for both Dave and Andrea especially in their friendships with other people.
To protect her relationship with Dave, Andrea makes a point of limiting her contact with other guys and Dave does the same with other girls in his life. They make it clear that there is a level of trust in their relationship, yet they feel it's important to set boundaries.
The couple also maintains that it is important for them to have mutual friends, but to have separate groups of friends as well.
Finances
Finances weren't a big issue for Dave and Andrea. "Money should never be an excuse not to get married," says Dave. With student loans, grants and bursaries, they pay for their college education. They don't have a lot of money, but
they manage.
Education
Andrea is in her first year of a four year nursing program while Dave is finishing off a mechanics program in August. Dave's program allows him to work half the time, thus providing some income. His dream is become a mechanics teacher which would entail another three years of school.
"Even if we didn't get married, we would still have to pay for our own college education, so why not just share the responsibility?" says Dave.
The issue with their schooling is actually the same as many other students -- co-ordinating rides to school!
Responsibility
And on top of that all comes responsibility. Dave and Andrea have bought a house. They own two cars, only one of which is in running condition. They are members of a church in which they are involved in a young married group. They now have twice as many family gatherings to go to on the holidays which can be draining. "We have to work together as team to share the responsibility like chores around the house and garden," says Andrea.
Communication
"In marriage you can't just hang-up the phone or close the door," Andrea says. "You have to learn to communicate or else you'll never make any progress."
They have found they need to give each other space, enough to have the freedom for Andrea to spend a night out with the girls or for Dave to spend time with his friends as well.
Yet, Andrea cautions against abusing this freedom. "Most times I come home on time, not because I have to, but because I want to." Andrea says.
Marriage vs. Living Together
Both Andrea and Dave strongly believe that the only way that a couple should live together is in marriage. "Marriage makes our commitment to each other stronger - we can't just walk away when problems come up," says Dave. "We take pride in our marriage. And we're definitely committed to being together for life," says Andrea.
Dave closes with a side perk: "People honor us for getting married! They bring us gifts which isn't something that happens when you started living together with someone."
Kristin is a student at British Columbia Institute of Technology. Copyright 2002 iamnext.com May not be used without permission.
Related reading:
