Breaking A Three-Year Relationship
"Pleasure of love lasts but a moment, Pain of love lasts a lifetime" - Jean Pierre Claris De Florian
After three long years of trying to resolve our problems, I realized that Ryan was not the right man for me. I initiated our final break up.
Breaking up with Ryan was one of the hardest things I've ever done. It is difficult to say goodbye to three years of built up dreams, memories, emotional investment and time spent caring for another person.
The decision to break up with Ryan was something I avoided but I knew it had to happen.
Asking myself these tough questions helped clear my thinking so I could make that decision to breakup:
- What kind of person was Ryan under pressure?
- If I continued in this relationship for another three years would I regret it?
- Did this relationship have a realistic future?
- Am I truly in love with him?
- Do I fully accept him?
The last question, "Do I fully accept him?" was the most difficult to answer. To love someone unconditionally means being willing to accept the whole person. As I asked myself, I was not sure if I unconditionally accepted Ryan. This question helped me realize that my love for Ryan was conditional. Perhaps my inability to love him unconditionally is a weakness on my part. Perhaps it means we were not meant to be.
This was a painful realization for me.
I realized he was not the type of man I would want to commit myself to. There were so many areas that we could not agree on, important areas a couple should have worked through especially after three years.
We always had a sense of conflict and tension and it was compounded by my parents continual disapproval of him. I didn't have the liberty of spending time with him without upsetting my parents.
But it was important for me to come to these conclusions.Once I came to that conclusion and admitted it to myself I felt released.
My decision to end our relationship came as a total shock to him. He was speechless, confused and angry. Ryan felt that I betrayed him. I don't think I will ever comprehend the extent of Ryan's pain and anger.
Moving On...
The thought of breaking up with Ryan was unimaginable. In many ways, breaking up was a complete alteration of life.
At first, the hardest part was not having him in my daily life. Ryan was an integral part of my life - he was one of my best friends. I missed our phone calls, our emails - I missed thinking about him.
But ending the relationship has proven to be one of the best decisions I've ever made. I've personally grown in ways that only could have happened apart from being in a relationship.
Paradoxically, enduring heartbreak has helped me put aside my cynicism of relationships. I've learned to be less fearful of pain in relationships because I've gained a new self-respect and a determination to live with hope.
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