It seems to me that weddings tend to happen in clusters.For instance, I found that many friends of mine decided to get married when I was around 20 years old, and again just recently, as I turned 25.
While I wasn't married at either of these times, I was engaged at both. (Yes, I've been engaged twice and am now single again). So I have an interesting perspective, to say the least.
When many of my friends were 'taking the plunge' the first time, the general consensus was that they were too young. I agreed, of course, until I met someone and got engaged myself.
Once I was engaged I came up with a ton of arguments justifying my decision. A year later, after it was called off, I found myself wondering what I had been thinking all that time….of course I was too young.
The second time around my circumstances were different. This time friends of mine who didn't get married the first time, were getting married now, leaving me in a very precarious position.
It happened, at the time, that I had a steady boyfriend and he wanted to get us married, so there, once again, I found myself engaged. This time it only lasted six months.
Now I'm not saying that I got engaged either time because 'everyone was doing it', however this fact did, at least, play a part. Somehow, the 'here and now' situations of life can easily become magnified, so magnified that one can't see past them.
Truthfully, I felt like I was being left out. My one best friend was already married and her second child was due in July. A month earlier my other best friend would be getting married.
I rarely saw my college friends anymore, and realized, or so I thought, that my social life would now be officially over. Who would I go out with? What was I doing that was significant? 'Nothing' was the only answer I could come up with. Something was missing in my life. I desperately wanted something to aim for, something to fulfill me.
Unfortunately, I made the 'classic mistake'. I call it a 'classic' mistake because it's one that is made by a majority of us, at least once in our lifetime (although, it seems many people make it over and over again).
I decided the answer to my problem was a man - or, to be less gender oriented - a relationship with another person. I thought getting married would give me new purpose in life and fill the void I was feeling.
I think everyone has at least heard of someone who got married to escape his or her current situation or environment. While you may be in love, if the motivation behind getting married is to escape, then the decision is a mistake.
Fortunately, this was revealed to me before I actually went through with it. Through the help of my parents, I realized that what I needed was a relationship, but not with just anyone.
It was true that I needed a change and that I needed fulfillment, but it was going to take something (or someone) greater than a mere man to do it. Why is there so much divorce? Why are so many people discontent and depressed with life? Could it be that the purposes we've chosen for ourselves and the means we've chosen to fulfill them just aren't adequate?
Tara is the Editor of Gloriazine and is a graduate of Rutger University where she studied Communication, German and Political Science. Copyright Gloriazine 2000. Used with permission.
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