Differing Expectations
Also, women are wired differently than men on the issue of sexual convenience. I notice that it is more of my girlfriends than guy friends who get emotionally attached to their live-in partner because they hope to marry them one day. Are his expectations the same? What may be a matter of convenience to him may be a matter of a marriage trial run for her. What a disappointment to have your expectations unmet after investing your things and life to live with this person! But then, do you even know what your partners' expectations are? You never know how long the relationship will last. But, in marriage your expectations will be for life, no matter what. The definition of lasting relationships seems to be commitment not convenience.
Other arguments center on the convenience of shared living expenses, separate financial responsibilities, and no legal entanglements or obligations to each other. This sounds like the perfect arrangement of economic convenience. Like Peter Pan falsely promises, 'you never have to grow up.'
In these arrangements you are allowed to be immature and you can walk out on someone. You are allowed to solely look to your own interests and not feel obligated to feel the least bit more remorseful. If this is the pattern of pre-marriage relationships, is it a surprise that so many marriages end in divorce?
Love is not love that is based on convenience. To value convenience over commitment reveals the sort of immature selfishness problems in our individualist culture that says, "When it is convenient to me I will support you if you are in financial difficulty. When it is convenient to me I will satisfy your needs. When it is convenient to me I will take care of you when you’re sick." Selfishness is the source of relationship problems and it hurts the other partner, hurts any potential kids that come from the relationship, and hurts you. If both partners are being selfish, whose needs are being met? You can bet that a relationship of convenience will not only end, but will also experience more violence, tension, and instability.
If you truly want to do things differently than your parents did, and have a family built upon commitment, then practicing relationships without commitment is setting yourself up for failure. We want our children to have it better than we did. We want our families to be healthier, happier, and more stable. Our responsibility then as members of society is to recognize the mistakes of our parents and learn from them. To provide strong and stable families so the next generation can grow up securely in their parents' love and commitment to one another. Without a parental example of true and selfless love, following through on responsibility and keeping commitments, how will our own children ever learn?
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Reasons why couples live together before marriage 1.2.3.
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