My family, like many North American families, has been affected by divorce. In my family, both sets of grandparents were divorced and my parents grew up amidst screaming and fighting. Marrying young, they wanted to build a different home than the one they experienced growing up. When I was a child, they promised me that they would never get a divorce.
They started their marriage with no more resources than those in their generation. However, my mom, feeling the need to work and financially contribute to the family, decided to work while I was young. But this did not alleviate our family's financial stress. My dad, locked into an existence of paying bills and a 9-5 job he hated, drifted further away from my mom. In reaction, my mom rebelled against my dad and her family responsibilities by wanting to be 'single again.'
And so it went; the spinning wheel of a suffering marriage.
We experienced many of the seemingly common family problems as a result. There was a lack of support from scared Christian friends, affairs, divorce papers being filed, the kids traveling from house to house, and lots of tears. Here I sit, wondering what their marriage and our family could have been and what they could have possibly done differently. Where did they go wrong? Or did they just not know any better?
Just like those of other generations, I often think I am different from my parents. I think I can come up with better alternatives that will make me happier and my relationships healthier. Why do I do this? I want to regain what was lost in my parent's failed marriage by trying a new way. But perhaps I am not so different from them. Do I not want to do things better than my parents did, just as they had wanted to do in response to their own parents? Didn't they too want security, intimacy, love and commitment?
A New Alternative
So, I pick up this new handbook, entitled 'living together,' and wonder if this alternative lifestyle is the answer? The nice cover with its smiling faces promises reward. If anyone should go to a new alternative, it should be me, since I’ve experienced so much hurt from my own parent's failed marriage. The chapters are filled with guarantees of preventing hurt and providing security - solutions we apparently only just had the creativity to invent. Why didn’t our parents think of this idea? There seem to be so many benefits! After all you have the benefits of a marriage, but without such high stakes. It's cheaper and you can always move out if the relationship turns sour. It is a very appealing option. The statistics reveal the attractiveness of this alternative. In the past 40 years, there has been an approximate 1, 150% increase of cohabitating couples. (1) But what does this living together handbook have to offer that the marriage handbook does not offer?
Wanting Something More
I read this headline and article the other day, "Victim opened belt, Stood on coaster."
"The Manhattan woman thrown to her death from an Indiana roller coaster had unbuckled her seat belt and was 'virtually standing up' as the thrill ride careened along at 60 mph, authorities said yesterday.
Safety warning Holiday World spokeswoman Paula Werne said the group had been warned not to tamper with the safety equipment during the 100-second ride: "I specifically said, 'Leave your seat belt buckled; don't mess with our safety equipment. We're here to have fun,'" Werne told the Daily News yesterday.
Sean Flaharty, a spokesman for American Coaster Enthusiasts, said he was shocked that someone in his group would be so careless: "In my opinion, the ride is thrilling enough," said Flaharty, who rode The Raven (one of the world's most terrifying roller coasters)moments before the accident." (2)
It seems ridiculous that anyone would take their seat belt off while riding a terrifying rollercoaster. The safety and security of actually being attached to your catapulted seat would allow you to experience the exhilarating ride fully and freely. Is it more exhilarating to ride without a seat belt? Perhaps. Is it the wise thing to do? Not on your life!
So you agree. A seat belt on a rollercoaster is a good idea. In the midst of my own life, I knew two people who made the same mistake as the woman in the news story; they chose not to wear a relationship seatbelt.
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Living together complicated my Dad's relationship with his girlfriend 1.2.3.
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