Isalm | spirituality | compassion | saying no | about me
Fascination with Islam
I had always admired the Muslim faith. The high value they placed on respecting God, the modesty of women, and the holiness of their lifestyle always intrigued me.
Despite that I was a Christian, at one point; I was very interested in Islam and in traveling to Africa.
I had a Muslim friend who spoke to me about her beliefs and I told her that it sounded interesting. But, she took my interest to mean that I wanted to become a Muslim. I made a mistake in not telling her that I was having doubts about my own beliefs at that point.
I wasn't sure what I believed about Jesus and was confused about many things at this point. By revealing that I had doubts about Christianity, it made it easier for her persuade me that Islam was something I should be looking into. Because I was having doubts, I was in a vulnerable place to be persuaded. When she asked hard questions and confronted my beliefs I didn't feel confident in answering them. This made me doubt what I had been taught, even more. Many of the things she said made sense to me and I did not know what to believe anymore.
One of the areas that I struggled with most in Christianity was identifying with and understanding a loving God.
For example, in Christianity, God is viewed as someone who loves and accepts me and in Islam; God is viewed as merciful, just, holy, righteous and beautiful. When I thought about God, often the same words came to mind, so I related to the Muslim view of God.
Because I didn't understand how God was loving. It was easier to see God as the distant and sometimes merciful God as the Muslims saw him. I also found that holiness was really the only thing emphasized in Islam. From that point of view I was attracted to Islam's emphasis on holiness. Sometimes it is hard to know what to do so it seemed easier to follow rules rather than have a 'relationship.'
In Christianity I didn't understand how I could have an intimate relationship with God. I could feel awe for his majesty and his characteristics, but to be able to say "I am confident that God loves me, and enjoys spending time with me," was very difficult. I always heard from Christians that that’s the way I am supposed to relate to God, but I didn't feel like I could.
But, despite all my confusion, a big factor kept me following Jesus.
I went to a testimony workshop at my church and I saw how God had affected the other Christian's lives there. I saw that the other people had their own questions and doubts, but they still had a personal and very real relationship with God.
I realized it wouldn't be worth it to give up the Christian Jesus to believe in Islam. Also, as I read the Bible more, I saw how beautiful the Bible truly was. To live a righteous life is my birth right as a Christian. There's no excuse to abuse grace and there is no excuse to be legalistic either. It's not one or the other.
We are saved by grace and by grace we are seen as righteous and holy by God. No one can take that away from us.
So despite my ponderings about Islam and questioning my own beliefs, in the end, I couldn't turn my back on Jesus. It really came down to that there wasn’t enough evidence to convince me that Jesus did not die for me. I couldn't turn my back on Him for making that kind of sacrifice. I wasn't fully convinced that I could just lead a holy life and be accepted by God. And, unless I was really sure, I didn't want to turn my back on it.
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Spirituality in the Everyday:
I think spirituality is key. We need to learn how to integrate spirituality into our everyday lives. It is a mistake to leave spirituality is out of the picture just because it's not academic. How you relate to other people, what you believe is the meaning of life, and most things in some sense relate to spirituality.
For me, nature is especially spiritual. You can look at a range of conservation ethics and see that they are based on some form of spirituality. Perhaps the principles of these ethics reflect the mind of God. For many people, spirituality has a role in helping them to stay sane in the midst of the frenzy of life. The need to perform and the pressure to produce, whether it is in exams, papers or our jobs, the connection to the spiritual allows us to remain balanced human beings.
Understanding spirituality is something a lot of people wonder about. Even if not in a religious context they wonder about it, although rarely verbalize it. Many people seem to want to understand it, but not practice it. It is rare to meet someone who has no concept of the spiritual. Many people explore and question spirituality through Nature, meditation, astrology, or religion. Spirituality has to do with what is fundamentally real, which is what Biblical truth is all about.
People are on a search to find the truth. Many people see religion as a codified system of cultural constructs and don't look to it to find the truth. Truth is found in a relationship with God, not in religion.
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Issues snapshot:
Learning Selfless and Humble Love
The thing I find most difficult in loving others is being humble and learning to truly care about them. It's very easy to become engrossed with my work and become arrogant about my own work and abilities. I'm used to being seen as the smart one because I do well in most things. Because I learn quickly, I tend to become proud of my ability to do well in those things.
When I look back I realize that I have not been very good at showing love to other people. I remember how other Christians showed their care for me by talking to me about the things I was interested in. They took time to listen when I talked about myself or complained about my problems. Most were even very understanding when I was moody. Their love and patience helped me come out of my shell and taught me how to care for other people.
My lack of concern for people around me is tied to arrogance because I feel that I don't need to think about them, or I have better things to do. But I need to really learn to put aside my arrogance and take concern for the people around me. God is teaching me to realize that I’m not better than anyone else. I'm learning that I can still be good at something and maintain a humble attitude.
It's fair to say God keeps me humble. He puts in situations where I have to learn to accept that someone else is better than me or accept someone's leadership over me. Whenever I encounter another female leader figure, these resistant thoughts go through my mind like, "How dare she? That's my position!" But I'm learning to overcome my negativity and accept that sometimes other people can do a better job than me. I'm learning not to feel threatened by other people and to accept many different kinds of people.
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Learning to Say No:
I've also learned to be more assertive. It's good and ok to say no to other people sometimes. I’m learning to say that "I don't agree with what you say." You don't have to give everyone what they're asking of you, whether it be your time or emotional support. By learning to say "no," I chose my priorities. There are so many opportunities, friends and activities; I have to choose what's worthwhile. There are so many things you can do but unless you're super man you won’t be able to do it all. That's why it's important for me to consciously choose what I’m going to do.
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Interests Snapshot:
All about me
>I like reading a variety of books, from science to poetry. I particularly like novels by Madeleine L'Engle.
>I really enjoy outdoor activities like hiking and cycling.
>I love to chat with my friends and it doesn't happen as often as I'd like.
>As for music, I like classical, jazz, Celtic, folk, alternative, and fiddling.
>For a long time I was into ghosts and witches. I used to play around with the occult. It was not a good scene. God has better things for His children.
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