by
Jeffrey D. Murrah, LPC
Anytime we flip a switch, turn a key in the ignition, or mail a letter, we expect something to happen. Each act involves an exercise in trust. We trust that something will happen. Many times the question comes up, who or what do we trust?
Trust is an essential, vital ingredient in our daily living. You cannot touch, taste or see trust, and you cannot live a day without escaping its effects.
One theorist defines trust as a belief in the goodness of others. I define trust as communication + commitment + time. The parties must feel free to communicate. Not just talk to the other person, but talk with the other, exchanging ideas.
The relationship must have commitment. Each party needs to feel that the other is committed to them, that they will not leave just because something is said or done with which they disagree. They need to know the other person has their best interest in mind and will stay with them.
Time is needed. Many times there will be open communication, there will be a commitment, but that commitment has not passed the test of time. In relationships where there is communication and a commitment that has passed the test of time, there is trust. This is the kind of trust a person can depend on.
When trust is established in relationships with family and friends, everyone benefits. The environment becomes one where there is a lower amount of stress and home is a happier place.
Some of the ways we can go about building trust are:
- Fulfil your promises: When you make promises take the necessary steps to fulfil them. Think of how children don't understand when their parents are unable to keep their promises. If you are unable to keep a promise, make the effort to explain what happened.
- Say what you mean: The home becomes an untrustworthy environment when people make threats or say things they don't mean. They become empty words. It is important that people can trust what you say.
- Encourage others with kind words: Everyone needs to be built up, especially when you come home. The home is to be a place where you can be refreshed at the end of the day. When homes don't have encouragement, they become a place of dread.
- Don't take what doesn't belong to you: This includes material things and liberties. Although this seems like a simplistic policy, it is very important with those whom you live. When we respect others' property and space, an environment of trust flourishes.
- Look for the good in situations: Sometimes the people we live with, or the situations we have to face are less than ideal. In these situations, it is important to find some good. This will help you make a change in your mind set so that you will be in a situation where trust can develop. If you only see the bad, it will destroy the atmosphere of safety. As a result, trust will go out the window.
Without trust, developing intimacy is impossible. Trust is part of our daily lives, and we must take the steps to make ourselves more trustworthy.
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