Ah, roommates! They can be the best of friends or the worst of enemies. Just ask anybody who has lived in a dormitory or shared an apartment.
For evidence, tune in sometime to MTV's Real World, a "cinema verité" experiment in which a handful of twenty-somethings are thrown together in an apartment so that their every move can be recorded on videotape. For almost four seasons, the show rolled merrily along. That is, until Puck a San Francisco bike messenger who specializes in being filthy, crude, and obnoxious came to live at the Real World house.
So bad was Puck who likes to shoot "snot rockets" and eat peanut butter out of a jar with his hands that his Real World roommates voted to kick him out!
If Puck sounds like the roommate from hell, stand back. During the beginning of almost any semester or quarter on any particular campus, roommates can be an especially touchy subject. After even just a few days together in a small dorm room or apartment, some college students find out that their roommates are not altogether normal.
For Elaine, living with her college roommate was an adventure. As a sophomore at Florida State University, Elaine signed up to live in an off-campus private dormitory. Students filled out questionnaires about their lifestyles and habits, and the staff tried to match compatible roommates.
It didn't work.
"I had a college roommate who was a beauty queen who sang opera in the shower, and our suite-mates raised rabbits!" says Elaine.
Elaine, a graphic arts major, had been paired with a music therapy major. "We were a study in opposites," Elaine said. "She used to parade around the room, wearing her tiara, doing her vocal exercises. Or she would sing opera in the shower every morning at 5:30 a.m." She was a morning person. Elaine (who was not) frequently stayed up until 3 a.m., working on projects for graphic arts classes. After that experience, Elaine swore off roommates. "I never lived with anyone else," she said, "until I got married."
Roommates: a breed apart!
Here's a quick quiz: Can you identify the following "breeds" of roommates? You may currently live with one or more of them. Hey! Maybe YOU are one of them!
- The Coffee Addict. This peppy, wide-eyed, nocturnal creature is often found walking around the dorm at 3 a.m., with his or her favorite coffee mug in hand. Favorite hang out: Any 24-hour coffee house located near campus will do.
- The Greek. This often exuberant person usually has the room plastered with Greek fraternity or sorority paraphernalia: party pics, pennants, and paddles, signifying their allegiance to "The House." Favorite hang-out: Wherever other Greeks are in large quantities, such as blow-out parties or campus sporting events.
- The Woodstock Wanna-Be. The most easily recognizable breed of roommate due to their tie-dyed shirts, bell-bottoms, and headbands. Favorite pastime: Listening on their Model TCD-D3 Sony Walkman to classic rock from the '60s . . . over and over and over!
- The Barn Animal. This type of roommate simply spreads dirty, soiled clothing and junk (especially old Dominos® pizza boxes!) all around the room, earning low marks for hygiene, even from the cockroaches. Favorite slogan: "A place for everything and everything in its place: the floor!"
Making it work
Have you ever noticed how anxious relationships can make us? We wish for strong, deep ones, yet often settle for surface encounters. This lack of intimacy can build massive frustration and isolation. Even the most successful people seem to be notoriously unsuccessful at building depth and commitment in relationships.
Let's face it: As a crucial part of our college experience, we want to achieve meaningful "connection" with people, both while we're in college and beyond. We want to make friends for a lifetime. How does it happen? Inevitably, it's the individual roommates themselves that must make it work.
"In the end," says Judy Spain, former national adviser of the National Association of College Housing Administrators, "[Sharing a room] is not unlike a marriage. There must be some compromise you give up some independence, and you learn to accept another person."
Acceptance. Compromise. Honesty. Sacrifice. Conflict resolution. These are just some of the necessary communication tools for success in any kind of relationship.
Here's some excellent advice that a man named Paul gave to people from different backgrounds and walks of life who were living together in close community:
- "Tell your neighbor the truth. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself."
- " Go ahead and be angry . . . but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry. Don't go to bed angry. Watch the way you talk."
These timeless principles for successful and skillful living are from the Bible. Could it be that the Bible has something to say about how to build and maintain successful roommate relationships? It's worth checking out!
Copyright WSN Press, Campus Crusade for Christ, Inc., 1997-2001 Used by permission of WSN Press and Campus Crusade for Christ. All rights reserved. WSN Press, Campus Crusade for Christ--2500, 100 Lake Hart Dr., Orlando, FL 32832 USA.
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