by
Blaine A. Legaree
In Grade 12, there was a hostage situation at my high school and I remember it like it was yesterday. One guy had a fight with another and went home, and he returned later under the influence of drugs with a shot gun. No one got hurt, but it was a bit freaky.
When I got home I pressed play on my stereo. Out of the speakers came the song "Jeremy" by Pearl Jam, a song about a kid who comes to school one day to shoot himself. Now I was freaked out.
It was that day that I began to take God a lot more seriously. You see, as a kid, I did go to Sunday School, but I didn't really attend church when I grew older because it was boring and didn't seem relevant to my life.
I played sports, had friends, and for the most part, I just enjoyed life, had fun and tried to be nice to people and live honestly. What was wrong with that?
People saw me as polite, honest, kind, and had all kinds of good things to say about me. My actions, however, had little to do with my thoughts. I did not like being kind to others. In fact, on the inside, I was often angry and hateful. My heart was darker than I wanted to admit.
I began to develop a lot of hatred and dislike of others, and it made me unhappy. I wondered, why be nice at all? Why was I taught this way? I had all these struggles in my mind. On one hand I realized that I should be generous and honest, and on the other hand, I often felt that there was little reason for me to care about anyone. The world seemed like an unfair place, so why should I be fair?
The day of the hostage situation woke me up and made me realize I had so much anger and hate. These feelings were obviously not making me happy.
At this time I had more questions about life than I had answers. What was the meaning of life? Why was I here? What did God want with me? Why can't I just be a good person-why is it so hard? How can I find peace and happiness? I had always believed in a God, but wondered if and how He could be relevant in my life.
Also about this time, I had a friend who had many of the same questions. We began to look for answers to our struggles about these tough questions of life. Together, we began to look at the Bible for answers. I learned that God made me in His image and that He designed me to depend on Him. And I discovered that when a person seeks God, He gives that person Himself and all that He is: joy, peace and happiness. Without Him, it is not possible for anyone to have these things because He is the sole source joy, peace and happiness. I made a decision to depend on Him for all things.
The differences that began to appear weren't miraculous, overnight changes that revolutionized my life, but nevertheless they were significant. I stopped trying to be kind by my own efforts, but trusted God to help me. I began to learn to love and forgive others and to see them as valuable as I realized that God sees them as valuable. Slowly, but surely, the hate and anger that I kept inside began to be taken away and was replaced by compassion and kindness. My heart of darkness was replaced with a heart fashioned by Him who makes hearts.
Becoming a Christian was never easy for me. In some ways, I kept wondering what had I gotten myself into. In many ways, I did not want to change, but I believe that Jesus is the only way for anyone to experience the life he or she was meant to have. Even though I did not look forward to many changes God has made in me at the time he wanted to change me, I have never regretted a single one.
Today, I study biochemistry, not only to pursue medical research that will help people and mankind, but I believe my pursuit of biochemistry is worship. I believe that all God has made is beautiful, and I praise Him as I learn and study the cool things He has created. I also devote my time to telling people of all He has done for me. I know that if God can help me and change my heart, He can also do the same for others.
Blaine is a completing his Masters of Science in Biochemistry at the University of Guelph in Ontario, Canada. Copyright 2002 iamnext.com. May not be used without permission.
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