The pressure to perform was deep in me for as long as I can remember. If I felt that I would fail at something, I refused to try it or I would quit. I wanted to excel in everything I did physically, mentally and spiritually.
Physically, I wanted to look the best. But, everywhere I looked, I saw girls who were prettier, more athletic, or had more boyfriends than I did. I began to feel bad about myself. I would try to diet or exercise more in order to have that "perfect" body that the fashion and glamour magazines boasted. I wanted popularity and to have more friends. Yet I found that I wasn't developing the friendships I so craved.
During high school, I felt that I was in a unique position. I studied at home for my entire life and found that people questioned the quality of my education. After a meeting with my counselor at the correspondence school, I was driven to work even harder for perfection. I would often spend up to 25 hours studying for a single test and consequently did well. However, I still didn't find that I met my standard of perfection.
Spiritually, I wanted others to believe that things were going well at the time, even when they weren't. On the outside, I did all the right things. I read my Bible. I went to church. I volunteered for a Chrisian organization. Hiding behind this mask of being a "good" person, I still fell short of my goal.
Yet in this quest for perfection, I felt empty. I had asked Jesus to come into my life when I was younger, but it didn't translate into my life at all. One day after an argument with my mother brought me to tears, I realized that Jesus Christ is the only person who's lived a perfect life. He came to earth to live a perfect life and then died in our place to pay for the penalty of our sin and imperfection. I knew I needed to accept the fact that Jesus achieved perfection for me.
Now, while I still have struggles, I don't live under the pressure of being perfect anymore because Jesus Christ makes up for my imperfections, making me a whole person in all aspects, physically, mentally and spiritually.
Kristin is currently studying at the British Columbia Institute of Technology. Copyright 2000 iamnext.com May not be used without permission.
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