It all started innocently when I was in Grade 10. My older sister was starting her Grade 12 year when she came home from school with some news.
"Hey, guess what Justine?" she asked me. I shrugged my shoulders. "I just started my Work Experience class and for my placement I'll be working at CKCK Television," she answered.
Cool, I thought. Hanging out at a local television station sure beats class any day! Then she said something even more appealing. "And I get two afternoons off school every week because I'll be pooling all my hours into three afternoons."
I was sold. From that moment, I was out to do whatever it would take to get into that Work Experience class to get some afternoons off in my Grade 12 year too.
Get time off school to relax... what a great motive to take a class! Ironically, it was the first step to catapulting me into an unhealthy preoccupation about work and building my career.
From that point on, I steadily began doing anything for the advancement of my career. I volunteered all over, but only if it beefed up my resume. I even transferred to another university because it offered a co-op internship program that would provide me with more experience.
Joining this internship program only fueled my fixation on my career. The competitive program spurred me to pour more hours into perfecting my resume, writing cover letters and researching employers than studying for most of my other classes.
Slaving over the creation of my resume and cover letters was a way of creating myself and my confidence. Yet, I had little confidence that I would measure up to the image of myself that I painted for potential employers.
From job to job, I looked for identity and confidence. Yet each time, my confidence fluctuated according to my job performance and left me disappointed, with myself and with the work.
I was climbing the corporate co-op ladder and I was on the top rung (in relation to my beginner co-op peers). But I still wasn't content.
And then one day I realized why.
I was in my final year of university pondering which way to steer my career when I heard a speaker challenging the audience to live a life of excellence.
"Do you want to live a life of mediocrity?" rung his words in my heart.
At that moment, I realized I wasn't satisfied with my work because I was settling for my own mediocre standards compared to God's perfect and best plans for my career and life.
You see, as a teen I had asked God to be a part of my life. And he was, but mostly only when I needed help.
I admitted to God that I had offended him by trying to find satisfaction in my work rather than in my relationship with him. I realized that I needed to quit trying to do things my own way and let God take control of everything in my life, including my career, because he created me and thus knows the best for me.
I continue to surrender my ambitions every day and I battle with temptations to run off and pursue my own plans. But every time I come back to God, I'm relieved. Only then I can be honest with myself that I don't measure up to the image I project and can't work out of my own efforts to achieve excellence.
Now when God gives me a job to do, it's always something way beyond what I think I can do. But then that's the point. It's a job that's beyond me, but not beyond God. And it's always the best thing I could want or need.
Funny how what used to preoccupy me so much is now the very thing that God uses to turn my focus and preoccupation to him instead. I had no idea that taking action to get two afternoons off per week in my Grade 12 year would bring me to the ultimate rest that comes from knowing and living out God's plan for my life.
Justine is now working as Editor for iamnext.com to help students live life to the fullest and keep the bigger picture in mind. Copyright iamnext.com 2001 May not be used without permission.
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